I have not been spending time in the Word like I should. That’s not the entire truth. I’ve not been spending time in the Word. Period. I feel like such a failure. Especially because some people seem to look up to me (for reasons I can’t quite grasp). They shouldn’t be looking to me as their example. I have let God down. I’ve let people down. I’ve let myself down.
Some seem to think I’m so “godly”. They think I have it all together. They tell me I have “a way with words”, that I “speak to people”. But, I’m just me. I don’t have it together. There isn’t anything special about me. Sometimes I get depressed and pull away from everyone. People get on my nerves. I am often lazy. I do not enjoy cleaning house, cooking, or doing laundry. I get frustrated with my husband. I don’t always want to go to work. And, I sometimes put reading my Bible and talking with God at the bottom of my list.
One thing I have discovered is, the times that I neglect God’s Word and His voice are almost always the times that I go through depression, laziness, frustration…hmmm. I’m beginning to think there must be a correlation.
Of course, the enemy loves it when I am out of sync with my Father. He has a little party when I get myself into a funk of “self”, wallowing in my “woes”. The more I do that, the broader the distance becomes between God and His plan for my life.
Oh, I’ve felt God nudging at me…I’ve heard Him reminding me that He is near and wants time with me. But, my response has been, “Later. I will later.” It’s just that when later comes, I’m too tired, or something else came up, or…or…or…
No. It’s time for me to stop this silly game. It’s time to get my priorities back in line. God first—everything else follows. Without Him, I am nothing—I have nothing.
Proverbs 3:5-8 ESV
Trust in the Lord with all your heart,
and do not lean on your own understanding.
6 In all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will make straight your paths.
7 Be not wise in your own eyes;
fear the Lord, and turn away from evil.
8 It will be healing to your flesh
and refreshment to your bones.