Posts Tagged With: Anxiety

Not So Merry-go-Round

I headed toward the main entrance of the hospital thankful they had the twirly-merry-go-round doors because my hands were full of food. (Hospital food can get old fast (like immediately…don’t eat it) so I was making a food run for my friend whose son was ill.) Back to the doors…you know the doors I’m talking about, right?

They don’t actually open to the outdoors. They just go around in a circle—you kind of just step in and it rotates you in or out depending on where you start.

This particular merry-go-round door is very large. I suppose it’s made that way so that wheelchairs will fit. If no one is inside, it sits idle. But, when people step in, in starts to move you around to the other side of the glass.

Are you getting this mental picture?

So—I walked up to the merry-go-round door and stepped inside. There was another couple going in, but they chose to go through the “doors”. I remember thinking how they chose the less energy efficient route and mentally patted myself on the back for being a better steward of nature than they were. There was a teenaged boy sitting on the other side of glass. He looked up at me, and then back down at his phone. Inside with me was a plant. I thought it was strange to put a plant in there only to have it turn circles all day long…

Wait. I’m not moving. I’m just standing here on the wrong side of the glass. Maybe I’m supposed to move to trigger this thing.

I stepped forward. Nothing.

Two steps forward. Nothing.

Two steps backward. Nothing.

I stood still and stared at the glass. (Apparently I thought telepathy might work.)

The boy looked up at me again. I smiled. He looked back down at the phone completely unamused. (Whew. I was worried he might think I was stupid, but he obviously didn’t care that I was alive.) I looked around.

No one seems to be watching. I’ll just nonchalantly step out of here and use the regular non-efficient door.

I stepped out of the merry-go-round door and swung around to the regular door and there stood a man holding the door for me.

Great. He saw me. I’m sure I looked foolish…but it wasn’t MY fault the door wasn’t rotating. Was it? Maybe I didn’t know what I was doing. Was I supposed to do something? He probably thinks I’m a dumb blonde. Best to just laugh…

“The door wasn’t working.” I said with a shrug and let out a nervous goofy sounding giggle.

He looked at me with the same look as the teenaged boy (what is the deal with that look??!!!) and walked on.

Several years ago, that situation would have been extremely traumatic for me. I would have been terribly embarrassed and dwelled on the situation for hours afterward. I would have beat myself up for being dumb—and worried about what other people thought of me.

Now? Now I assume they thought I was silly—or they simply didn’t care at all. And, I look at it for it is—a funny situation. It was funny. I was funny. I looked silly! Hopefully the security guards that watch the cameras got a good laugh. Because, let’s face it, there isn’t much to laugh about at the hospital.

And, you know what else? It reminded me that the way that looks easy—it’s not always the easy way.

Sometimes I think, “Oh yah. This is what I’m supposed to do. I’m just going to walk through this door and life is going to be a breeze. I’ll just step in and God will just swing me to the other side.” And then—Nothing.

Nothing happens. Life just stands still. I try doing this. I try doing that. Nothing.

In those times I have to step out. Reevaluate. Ask God if that was really the door He wanted me to go through. And, sometimes, He has an entirely different direction for me. It may be a little more difficult or it may be humbling. But, it still gets me to the other side.

Be willing to go with the flow a little bit more. Be able to laugh at yourself. Be open to stepping back and asking God if He has a different plan. And, when He shows you that plan, walk forward and don’t look back.

Proverbs 3:5-6 (AMP)

Trust in and rely confidently on the LORD with all your heart
And do not rely on your own insight or understanding. In all your ways know and acknowledge and recognize Him,
And He will make your paths straight and smooth [removing obstacles that block your way].

Originally published 10-18-15 on http://sarahpriceauthor.com/journal/

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The Face of Anxiety~~Featuring Katie Joy Crawford

In 2012, I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression. I’ve never seen or read anything that depicted what I experienced in this way. Sometimes when you are in the middle of a crises  you feel so alone…like you must be the only one in the world going through this. It is somehow comforting to know your “crazy” is “normal”. I’m not sure that makes sense. But, at the time, I felt like I was absolutely losing my mind, and that  no one else could possibly understand…

There is hope if you suffer from these types of diseases. It’s important to seek a good physician and to talk to the people closest to you. Do not suffer in silence. And, most importantly, Jesus is gracious to heal and bring peace. If you need prayer, please message me. ❤

“For God did not give us a spirit of timidity (cowardice, cringing and fawning fear) but He has given us a spirit of power and of love and of calm and well balanced mind and discipline and self-control” 2 Timothy 1:7 AMP

I’m posting the article with Katie Crawford’s permission. Please take a moment to visit her website.  🙂  http://www.katiejoycrawford.com/home

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Right Now? I’m Angry–

Anger

Sometimes being angry is easier than being hurt and vulnerable. Sometimes I think I choose anger over hurt because it’s easier to deal with. I think I use anger as my shield of “protection”. It feels like anger keeps me from feeling the hurt so deeply. Because, I think, if I quit being angry, I may never stop crying over the hurt.

But, anger is a sneaky creature. It acts like it’s my friend. It pretends to protect me and wrap me in a cocoon of safety. When, in reality, it is digging deep into my soul, planting roots of bitterness, erupting sprouts of sickness and disease and dropping seeds of division.

Anger doesn’t protect me at all. Anger moves me toward self-destruction.

As I turn my anger toward God’s Word, searching for a cure, I find the answers. It’s still my choice to reach out for the antidote.

Philippians 4:8-9 (ESV)

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.  What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me—practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you.

Psalm 37:8-9 (TLB)

Stop your anger! Turn off your wrath. Don’t fret and worry—it only leads to harm.

Philippians 4:4-6 (TLB)

 Always be full of joy in the Lord; I say it again, rejoice!  Let everyone see that you are unselfish and considerate in all you do. Remember that the Lord is coming soon. Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything; tell God your needs, and don’t forget to thank him for his answers.

Anger only hurts me. It doesn’t change anyone else. It doesn’t keep anyone from hurting me more deeply. I’m going to choose to focus on what is good today. I’m going to make a choice to be who God wants me to be despite what anyone else says or does.

I’m going to CHOOSE JOY.

What about you?

 

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Friday Ramblings

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I don’t really have anything in particular on my mind today. But, yet, I have a lot on my mind. You know? Serious stuff, weird stuff, goofy stuff. My brain is a strange place (just ask my husband).

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My best friend’s little boy had a life threatening stroke last week due to complications from chemo treatment for his Leukemia. I don’t know that I have ever witnessed a stronger woman in my life. She is amazing. It was difficult to be there with her, but not be able to help in anyway. But, you know, we have the same Father, she and I. And, He stepped in and took control of the situation. A week later, her little boy is literally a walking miracle. ❤

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My puppy has now eaten three pairs of my favorite sandals. He leaves the guys shoes alone…but acts like my sandals are some kind of delicacy. I try to keep an eye on them, but somehow he manages to sneak them away and chow down on them under my bed. I was discouraged over this until I realized that the ruined shoes will have to be replaced. And to do that, I have to go shopping. It’s rough, but you know, a girl has to do what a girl has to do.

Speaking of dogs, we have only been a dog owner since October. That is when Echo wandered into our lives (literally). One thing I have noticed is that dog owners and mothers are very much a like! We talk about the three P’s (pee, poo, and puke) a lot. Really. It’s a frequent conversation. Oh, I can’t forget the topic of what the dog ate last. Generally, for me, it’s a piece of our furniture. This week, though, it was a baby rabbit. I don’t know that I will ever look at my puppy the same again. (sniffs)

(I won’t insert a picture for this thought, you are welcome)

The other day I was at Walmart (I seriously think I need therapy after Walmart visits), and this kid walks in  front of me. The waist of his jeans was all the way below his behind. His shirt was pulled up above his waistline so that his entire pair of boxer shorts were showing. First. This made his legs look two feet long. Secondly, HOW do you walk with the crotch of your pants at your knees? Any woman who was forced to wear tights as a little girl knows how insane a drooping crotch can make a person. Finally, why not just wear shorts? I just shook my head and got in line behind the woman in her pajama pants and night shirt.

cake blog

I love coffee and cake. (That’s all I have to say about that)

TiredToday is Friday. I am super excited about that because it means I get to stay up later! I might make it to 10:00 tonight! Whoo Hoo! Maybe I’ll be able to stay awake for more than one page of the book I’m reading. It’s not that I’m old. I’m just tired. TIRED. People. I’m. Tired.

Cared for me

My final thought for you is, Jesus loves you. And, I don’t mean like on bumper sticker, “Hey, Smile God Loves You.” He really truly does. He healed my friend’s son. He has done amazing things in my life. He can heal relationships, heartaches, and illness. He is in the business of touching depression, anxiety, and worry. He. Loves. You.

Make it a great week-end!

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Obsessed with Obsessing

Fear Page 2

I started thinking about today’s post on Thursday. But, Thursday came and went without anything going down on paper. Friday I started again. See the picture? That is how much I wrote on Friday. I showed it to my friend. I was like, “Girl. Look! This all I’ve written!”

She giggled at me (I think that I am her source of entertainment–I have a LOT of material!) and said, “What are you gonna say about fear?”

“Uh, yah. What am I going to say about fear…”

(I’m pretty sure she giggled again.) “When was a time you were afraid?”

“From age 23-44…oh…you mean to pick ONE time?”

At this point she is just plain laughing at me, “Girl. That is a blog in itself!”

So. Yah. I’ve had some issues with fear for a little while. Fear of germs. Fear of car accidents. Fear of flying. Fear of failing. Fear of illness. Fear of storms. Fear of not being accepted. Fear that my kids would be injured, sick, hurt… Fear of sleep. Fear of not sleeping. Fear of Y2K. Fear after 9/11. Fear of terrorists. Fear of being robbed. I think you might be getting the idea.

Yet, all that time, I considered myself a Christian.  I loved Jesus. I accepted Him as my Savior. And, yet, I had no peace. None. There was no joy in my life. I could not allow myself to enjoy anything–ever.

I knew this wasn’t how my life as a Follower was supposed to be lived. But. I couldn’t stop. I would tell myself not worry and fret.  It didn’t help. I was always tied up in knots on the inside. I wore the mask of calm. I’m sure some people knew about my anxieties. ( I couldn’t hide the terror storms brought to me at my sons’ baseball games). But, for the most part people would never have guessed the extent of my problem.

I was obsessed with obsessing. Truth.

Are you wondering what changed it all?

I’d like to say that God just reached down and healed me one day while I was praying and BAM I was free. But. Yah. *sigh* No. That is not how it went down.

I literally threw myself into a breakdown. My mind said, “Nope! Not gonna do this anymore…I’m on overload”. And, I just–shut down.

It was bad. People. It was a nightmare. I thought I might not make it out of the hole I found myself thrown into.

You know. Something happens when you can no longer rely on yourself. I mean, that was what I was doing. I was trying to control everything in my life with worry–which led to anxiety–which led to hopelessness. But, when I hit the bottom of my pit–when there was no more Lisa left–I said, “God, You got this? I need You to take this and carry me out of here.” And He did. It took time. It took lots of people speaking life into me. It took doctors (plural). It took my family literally caring for me and nurturing me.

Here I stand (well, I’m sitting really) a living testimony that fear CAN be conquered through Jesus.

Do I ever have fear? You betcha! Big time. But, I have learned to immediately go to my Father instead of to worry. Worry is an ugly companion.

So, here are some verses that deal with fear. Hugs all around. ❤

2 Timothy 1:7

For God did not give us a spirit of timidity (of cowardice, of craven and cringing and fawning fear), but [He has given us a spirit] of power and of love and of calm and well-balanced mind and discipline and self-control.

Psalm 34:4

 I sought the Lord, and he answered me and delivered me from all my fears.

1 John 4:18

There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear.

Matthew 6:34

“So don’t be anxious about tomorrow. God will take care of your tomorrow too. Live one day at a time”

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Yah, I was Martha–What a Waste

Jesus continued from there toward Jerusalem and came to another village. Martha, a resident of that village, welcomed Jesus into her home. Her sister, Mary, went and sat at Jesus’ feet, listening to Him teach. Meanwhile Martha was anxious about all the hospitality arrangements.

Martha (interrupting Jesus): Lord, why don’t You care that my sister is leaving me to do all the work by myself? Tell her to get over here and help me.

Jesus: Oh Martha, Martha, you are so anxious and concerned about a million details, but really, only one thing matters. Mary has chosen that one thing, and I won’t take it away from her.

Luke 10:38-42 (Voice) 


I don’t have a sister. But, if I did, I would have been Martha in this story. So many times in my life the Lord could have (and probably did) said, “Lisa, Lisa, you are so anxious about anything and everything. And, yet, the One that matters is not at the forefront of your thoughts.” 

OUCH!

I wasted so much time. I lost so many years. I worried about everything. The what if’s consumed my life. I wanted everything perfect and in the process made myself and everyone around me miserable. If only I had learned earlier to just breathe—to sit at Jesus’ feet and lay my head in His lap—relaxing in His presence.

Only One thing really matters in this Life. Do you know Him? Do you love Him? Do you spend time with Him?

Slow down. Breathe. Soak up His love.

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Tend to It

As I got up this morning, the cold air from our dark house wrapped its uncomfortable arms around me. I reached for my fuzzy pink robe, draped it around myself and shuffled down the hall. The wood stove had only a small orange glow peeking through the glass panes and I knew the fire had long ago dwindled to only a few remaining embers.

I turned the handle, unlocking the cast iron doors, hoping the screech would not wake the rest of the family.

*Sigh*

Darkness stared at me with miniature orange coals blinking, trying to come back to life. I took the poker and shoved all of the coals into one pile, hoping the combined heat would cause a spark once I layered wood on top.

I shoved my feet into my husband’s boots and dragged out into the frigid early morning air. Once back inside, I knelt before the wood stove and began stacking wood on the embers one by one. Each piece of wood had snow on it from the day before, so it would sizzle as the heat touched it. With the wood finally stacked, steam escaped from the dampness. I watched wondering if a fire would ever start.

For an hour I left the doors open a crack allowing the air to vacuum in to the coals, urging them to spark. I knew the dampness would have to dry before a fire would start.

Sometimes, the fire takes quite a bit of nurturing and tending. I checked on it several times, re-positioning the wood, poking at it, and changing the air flow.

Just when I decided nothing was going to happen, I heard a rushing sound coming from the stove.

Fire.

Not just a few flickering flames, but a roaring hot fire.

Jeremiah 20:9 (AMP)

If I say, I will not make mention of [the Lord] or speak any more in His name, in my mind and heart it is as if there were a burning fire shut up in my bones. And I am weary of enduring and holding it in; I cannot [contain it any longer].

A couple of years ago, as many of you know, I found myself in a very cold dark place. My “fire” had gone out. The real me barely had a glow left. I could hear God’s voice, but it was distant. It was like I had pounds of worry and stress and anxiety heaped on top of me, threatening to smother out what little life was left.

I prayed and cried out to God.

It seemed nothing helped. But, I didn’t give up. I opened my heart wider to the Lord.

After quite some time, I began to feel it. A stirring. Something smoldering within me. A spark. God had connected with me. I felt Him. His love blew into my life igniting a flame of passion for Him that had long been gone.

Suddenly it exploded into new love for Him, new opportunities, and healing for my mind.

I cannot contain it.

I want to share it.

My heart’s desire is to see others who are hurting set free and healed in Jesus’ name. There is a fire in you. Tend to it. Allow God to breathe into you. Open the doors of your heart to Him.

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Keep on Moving

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The other day, my husband and I went shopping for our puppy. We bought him his first rawhide. We thought it would be the perfect gift because he loves to chew.

–He chews on everything: Shoes, Pillows, Toilet Paper Rolls, Carpet, Sticks, Tissue Paper, Dryer Sheets, Stools–

So–Rawhide! Perfect! 

We brought it home and placed it on the floor. He did his typical puppy dance around it. He pranced. He hopped. He rolled over it on his back. Finally, he took it in his mouth–and then panic struck. His eyes literally filled with anxiety. He was frozen in place and began crying. Looking around the room, he frantically tried to find someplace to hide his prize. If he caught us watching, he would pick it back up and look for someplace new. This went on for about an hour.

Here we thought he would be excited and happy. We gave him something he wanted. A tasty item to chew on–legally–it was his to enjoy. But, instead, it caused him turmoil because he was so afraid it was going to be taken away.

Of course, this got me to thinking. We aren’t much different, are we? How many times do we pray for a new job, or new friends, or a new direction? We pray and pray and pray. Finally, God answers! He gives us our hearts desire. We got the promotion! We have an opportunity to be in a new group of people! We have been asked to step into a new place of ministry! What do we do?

FREEZE.

Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. “God. I mean. I know I asked for it. But, I’m not sure I can handle that job. I’m not really qualified.” “Hey, God. I wanted new friends…but those people…they are so different from me. What if they hate me? Or–what if I don’t like them?” “Uh. God. I know I asked for a place a ministry. But, um, this isn’t what I had in mind. I mean, can we try again with something other than this?”

Right? Hear me? Feel me?

God has answered our prayer! He has given us our desire! And we panic! Anxiety sets in. Doubt takes hold.

Don’t be surprised when God answers your prayers. The Word says:

Just ask and it will be given to you; seek after it and you will find. Continue to knock and the door will be opened for you. All who ask receive. Those who seek, find what they seek. And he who knocks, will have the door opened. Matthew 7:7-8 (VOICE) 

God wants to give us our hearts desires. He isn’t going to give us something that is out of His will and purpose for our lives. So, when the door is opened, keep moving. Step in to what He has in store for you!

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Today I’m feeling worried. Many times I can push my worries aside, locking them in a separate chamber of my mind, knowing that worry accomplishes nothing. But, today I found myself worrying as I got ready for work. I worried in the car on my way to work. Now, I sit here (off the clock 🙂 ) worrying. I’ve stopped several times to pray, knowing that God needs to be my source of strength, not worry.

I used to live on worry. Literally. Worry was my life. But, you know what? All it brought me was sickness and despair.

I wrote a prayer in my journal and something told me that maybe someone else needed to pray along with me today. Maybe it is you. If so, this is God’s gift for you today. 🙂

Lord,

Help me to lay my worries at Your feet. I pray that You will cover every fear and anxiety that I have. You are in control, not my worry. Just like the weather outside, my mind feels cold as the winds of concerns twirl about. I’m so thankful that You are in charge. Nothing takes You by surprise. You know the problems and You have the answers. I don’t have to to figure everything out.

I pray for Your provisions, protection, and wisdom. Help my heart and mind to focus solely on You today.

Amen

*Hugs* Happy Friday Eve!

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My Addiction

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In high school my favorite date was dinner out.

When I got married, my favorite date was a meal out.

I was that girl that didn’t gain weight. I wasn’t too skinny. I’m very petite (that is the polite way of saying I’m short). I had been a gymnast, and despite not exercising, I held on to my muscle tone nicely. I didn’t worry about having a late night snack or a cheeseburger for lunch. Someone brought donuts to work? No problem, they didn’t accumulate on my hips.

Even though weight issues plague both sides of my family, I just knew that I had dodged that bullet and I got the lucky genes…until I hit the “m” word. Middle Age. Suddenly, every crumb I put in my mouth caused a new cellulite dimple on my thigh. I still thought that it was temporary for some reason…that it would just be a few pounds.

In one year I gained 15 pounds. Reality hit. I have entered a new phase of life and I can’t wish it away. The days of cutting one dessert a day out and losing five pounds are gone.

Some of you know that two years ago I went through a desert. A valley. A black hole. I had a break down. My world shut down around me. It was the most difficult time of my life and, frankly, I wasn’t sure I was going to make it. But, during that time, I submitted my entire life to God. I realized I couldn’t fix any part of “me”. Eventually, I got well and came out of it stronger in my faith, closer to my family, and blessed with wonderful friends.

For the rest of the story, please click here: http://sarahpriceauthor.com/sarahs-sunday-huddle-with-lisa-bull-10/

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