Posts Tagged With: self-esteem

Not So Merry-go-Round

I headed toward the main entrance of the hospital thankful they had the twirly-merry-go-round doors because my hands were full of food. (Hospital food can get old fast (like immediately…don’t eat it) so I was making a food run for my friend whose son was ill.) Back to the doors…you know the doors I’m talking about, right?

They don’t actually open to the outdoors. They just go around in a circle—you kind of just step in and it rotates you in or out depending on where you start.

This particular merry-go-round door is very large. I suppose it’s made that way so that wheelchairs will fit. If no one is inside, it sits idle. But, when people step in, in starts to move you around to the other side of the glass.

Are you getting this mental picture?

So—I walked up to the merry-go-round door and stepped inside. There was another couple going in, but they chose to go through the “doors”. I remember thinking how they chose the less energy efficient route and mentally patted myself on the back for being a better steward of nature than they were. There was a teenaged boy sitting on the other side of glass. He looked up at me, and then back down at his phone. Inside with me was a plant. I thought it was strange to put a plant in there only to have it turn circles all day long…

Wait. I’m not moving. I’m just standing here on the wrong side of the glass. Maybe I’m supposed to move to trigger this thing.

I stepped forward. Nothing.

Two steps forward. Nothing.

Two steps backward. Nothing.

I stood still and stared at the glass. (Apparently I thought telepathy might work.)

The boy looked up at me again. I smiled. He looked back down at the phone completely unamused. (Whew. I was worried he might think I was stupid, but he obviously didn’t care that I was alive.) I looked around.

No one seems to be watching. I’ll just nonchalantly step out of here and use the regular non-efficient door.

I stepped out of the merry-go-round door and swung around to the regular door and there stood a man holding the door for me.

Great. He saw me. I’m sure I looked foolish…but it wasn’t MY fault the door wasn’t rotating. Was it? Maybe I didn’t know what I was doing. Was I supposed to do something? He probably thinks I’m a dumb blonde. Best to just laugh…

“The door wasn’t working.” I said with a shrug and let out a nervous goofy sounding giggle.

He looked at me with the same look as the teenaged boy (what is the deal with that look??!!!) and walked on.

Several years ago, that situation would have been extremely traumatic for me. I would have been terribly embarrassed and dwelled on the situation for hours afterward. I would have beat myself up for being dumb—and worried about what other people thought of me.

Now? Now I assume they thought I was silly—or they simply didn’t care at all. And, I look at it for it is—a funny situation. It was funny. I was funny. I looked silly! Hopefully the security guards that watch the cameras got a good laugh. Because, let’s face it, there isn’t much to laugh about at the hospital.

And, you know what else? It reminded me that the way that looks easy—it’s not always the easy way.

Sometimes I think, “Oh yah. This is what I’m supposed to do. I’m just going to walk through this door and life is going to be a breeze. I’ll just step in and God will just swing me to the other side.” And then—Nothing.

Nothing happens. Life just stands still. I try doing this. I try doing that. Nothing.

In those times I have to step out. Reevaluate. Ask God if that was really the door He wanted me to go through. And, sometimes, He has an entirely different direction for me. It may be a little more difficult or it may be humbling. But, it still gets me to the other side.

Be willing to go with the flow a little bit more. Be able to laugh at yourself. Be open to stepping back and asking God if He has a different plan. And, when He shows you that plan, walk forward and don’t look back.

Proverbs 3:5-6 (AMP)

Trust in and rely confidently on the LORD with all your heart
And do not rely on your own insight or understanding. In all your ways know and acknowledge and recognize Him,
And He will make your paths straight and smooth [removing obstacles that block your way].

Originally published 10-18-15 on http://sarahpriceauthor.com/journal/

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You Don’t Own That

I was talking with someone today who has been through quite an ordeal over the last year. They told me that a friend had reminded them one day, “What that person did does not define YOU.” Have you ever been hurt by someone close to you…or someone let you down in a devastating way…that rocked your entire world? What they did may define part of your life, but it does not define WHO YOU ARE or WHO GOD IS. What they did belongs to them, don’t take ownership of it. Focus on God’s promises to YOU. ❤ Hugs.

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The Way She Looked At Me

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Just when I thought I had begun to conquer my insecurities, I had to use the bathroom.

It wasn’t the bath(room) that did it to me, nor was it the act of using the facilities (although I could probably write a book on that subject—don’t ask) that shook my confidence. No, it was her…

Read the rest of my story at: http://sarahpriceauthor.com/sarahs-sunday-huddle-with-lisa-bull-7/

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